Rocky-yes-Whore-Definatly

Tonight was the greatest night ever!!

ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW BITCHES!!

Rhodes, Sammie, Dustin, Emily and I all went to go see it at Hollywood Blvd. and it was GREAT! Sammie and I got pulled on stage to do a few things since we were "virgins" lol... and we all dressed like sluts *even dustin*  it was great! Man, its nights like these that I'm going to miss once college hits.. but I'm going to gobble up all the days I can with these people because I <3 them all! Especially when we all are together.

Other then that...

Mike Front

Things have been REALLY rocky the past month. There has been many threats, tears, and aggrivations between the two of us... but this past week, we decided we want to give this one last shot and to start things fresh and new... and so far things are going great! This weekend was fun! Best weekend we've had in the past what, month and 1/2? and we've been dating for 2... and that's sad... but its good that things are on the right trackk.... or so we are hoping. We hung out yesterday and a little bit today. Before it just felt like a friendship (you know friends with benifits kind of deal) but today and yesterday REALLY felt like we were in a relationship and I felt that feeling I've been searching for this whole time. I knew it would come... it just needed time to open up. I love mike because he is teaching me a valuble lesson- to be more understanding of the other person's space. Found out a few things that made me a little upset but they didn't affect me as bad as I thought they would. and that is GREAT!! Awesome! High five to me! Though that's kind of odd, to high five yourself.... lol.  The next few weeks are going to be interesting because he has finals coming up soon so I really have to crack down on my needy side of me of wanting to talk to him but this week I should be good because I'll be busy with the play for the majority of the night and the rest of the evening I'll find other things to do. I really need to spend more time with my Mom. I've been really neglecting her the past few weeks and I feel really bad about that. I love her to death!

Dad Front

My dad was in rehab but got put back into Edwards because he has fluid in his lungs and that might turn into a-moan-ah *can't spell it* also he has MERSA *sp* which is a very bad thing in his blood and they are afraid its going to reach his heart.. that is going to make super problems...  once he gets these things cleared HES COMING HOME!!! They are just going to have a nurse come in during the day to assist him with things so he can be home with all of us. God I miss him home. But at the same time I don't. I get more privacy with him not home. *shrugs*

School Front

I finally got my paper for the devil turned in-- I believe that I am finished with her and do not have to deal with her anymore. Though I technically havn't done the final but I think she is going to overide that and just give me a random grade... hopefully a B... I need a B in this class... (so technially its an A) but whatever.. other then that Senior English is getting hard.. well not hard... just more work than usual... I have to crack down on reading my book and writing my bio on my person... and working on this huge presintaion we are giving in May. I should work on the next part of the project... hm...

Personal Front

I have been doing better this past weekend because a lot of my stressers are starting to come to a halt and because of tonight with the rocky horror picture show... it just made my mind go so clear. That paper getting done for the devil, Mike and I finally coming to good terms before prom, dads starting to do better... just a bunch of things.. oh yeah, my friends rock!!

I love you all! <3

I can't wait till we all go out again. OH btw, thanks Rhodes for spotting me... though I've already told you though facebook, but oh well.

I think this is good for my update for tonight.

~Unforgivinsoul~

Going back to the old school...

I guess you just can't seem to go away from the old self... everytime I try to create a new screen-name or xanga name... I feel like a piece of me has dissapeared... so thats why I came back to this one because I've had it for what, 2 years now? I guess I just can't part with it...

The past few days have been very rough for me... Mike and I have been having some major issues with our relationship because I've been feeling very neglected since he has so much going on at college with friends, clubs, school, everything!! And I have no life here, so naturally, I'm all up on him for having one... stupid me. Luckly we finally fixed things on Saturday... after many tears have been shead, but every relationship has their issues... I still have this gut feeling something just isn't right but it makes sense since we just are still trying to recover from a few stressful days... well, for me at least... he's been super busy so I don't think he really had time to think about what was going on between us.

Yesterday I decided to go to NIU to visit him, hopefully to help straighten things out and I'm glad I did. Granted, things were very very akward at the beginning... not knowing what to say... but as the day went by, things started to smooth out and it really helped when a few of his friends met up with us to hang out. That was fun... we played pool and hung out around the lake making fun of the geese...  Crazy Mike (one of his friends) was trying to mate with one of the female geese by flapping his arms.. it was quite interesting.

So right now I'm kind of at a weird state emotionally... still not recovered from what happened the past few days but with time, that will go away. Right now I'm working on my dramatury on Twelve Angry Men and probably going to go outside for awhile...

well I should get back to work.
Just wanted to update

if anyone wants to hang out this spring break, gimmie a ring.... Rhodes, you and I need to do something!! ^_^  Same with you Shaffer...

www.xanga.com/cold_myth

Check it.
I got sick of UnforgivinSoul.
It's over 2 years old ><

Soft melody..

I decided not to go to school today because I realized that if I was to go to school, I would have been such an unproductive person due to my lack of ability to concentrate in my classes. I'm trying my hardest not to think about tomorrow and so far it's working. I have a few things that are keeping my mind busy from thinking about tomorrow. I have to get up early because if we want to see him before the surgery we have to be there by 6am and its an hour drive so I need to be up at 4:30. weee.. Great fun.

I tell myself everything is going to be alright because he has fought though so much, why should this be any different than any other day? I just need to take today slowly and remember to breathe... It's a 5 hour surgery so that's going to be interesting.... sitting in the hospital waiting room for 5 hours.. at least I get to work on my AP Stats stuff then.. If I could concentrate. I think my mom wants to leave and come back but I refuse to leave. What if something was to happen during the surgery and they had to call us when we were going home or at home... we would be freaking out and driving back up there would be hell and dangerous. I rather not take the risk of that happening.. plus I want to stand by my daddy 120% and show him that I care about him so much... i don't want to leave his side..

He deserves so much.
So does my mom. They both are such great people and life really has dealt them a shitty life but yet they keep moving along. I wish I could give them the world. This is why I do what I can in school, to give them hope that there is happiness out there in this world... that's why I stayed in school for the last semester of school.. thats why I'm doing cap-and-gown... thats why I am going off to college... I mean, I want these things too, but I am also doing it for them.. They are wonderful parents and I don't think I show them enough appriciation. Man. I'm a bad daughter. >< I should be a better one. Yes. I love them. I really am going to have a hard time leaving them once college rolls around this fall... I mean, I want to go to CMU but part of me wants to stay closer to home than going to CMU... but I'm not sure of what I want to do.. my heart keeps going back and forth between which college I want to go to... if I get accepted at Northern, maybe I'll go there.. CMU offered me a great scholarship but it isn't enough to keep me in college without great about of debt. Yeah, debt...

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Mike and I had a real deep conversation last night about each others lives and about things that have happened to us. We realized that we have more in common than we thought, which only makes everything that much more marrier. I was thinking today, and I came to the conclution I don't want anything to change. I love where we stand right now.. I think we got out what we really felt about each other last night and if he or I were to say any more of that today I just don't feel right because it will feel kind of fake. He is a great guy but I want to make sure I'm making the right move, if there is a move to make. We are to go bowling next weekend after the play rehursal.. which I'm looking foward to. Hopefully I'll have money by then.. I should because we get paid on Friday, if I'm not mistaken... if not I'll have to borrow money from my mom till I get paid which would only be the following Friday. All I know is that I want to give him a big hug for being such a great friend.

Like I told him last night, he couldn't have came at a more perfect time. He's just that extra something I need to push my spirits in the up direction while the tough times are coming up. I have my friends, and I don't doubt them at all, but I don't feel comfortable talking to most of them about issues but when I talk to Mike, it's like, it's different. I'm not going to let anything come of our talking. Not yet. I'm going to take things step-by-step and just let things fold instead of trying to move things faster. Like I said, I like how things are right now...

.. he made me cry last night.. but in a good way. Damn college. Part of me thinks if I get accepted that I should go to Northern because he is there but that is such a stupid reason to go to a school and base your decision off of.. I originally wanted to go to CMU so I should stick with that gut feeling, but theres that other side of you who wants to stay here in Illinois because you want to be close to your family. Nothings offical. Things can change. I just don't think UIC is the right college for me, though. ISU might be a good college to go to.. Sammie is going there, which is nice... But should I go some where I know I'll have fun or go somewhere there will be a challange of having to get to know people? ISU does sound like a good college to go to and I did like the campus when we were there last year for Theatrefest... I'm not sure. Let me see if I get accepted to Northern and then see all the cards I have on my table to choose from.

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Black in white photo
Hand in Hand
Downtown
<3

---edit---

Mike: I have an idea
ME: hm?
Mike: let me ask you again.....
Mike: Would you
Mike: like to
Mike: go out
Mike: with me
Mike: for lunch on Saturday
Mike: and perhaps bowling afterwards?
Mike: (hopes the rephrasing was obvious enough)
ME:: .. um
ME:: Tracy believes she knows what he is saying but isn't too sure if she is thinking along the same lines as he is
ME: lol
Mike: what do you think?
ME:: Nope you tell me what you ment.
ME:: meant*
Mike: ok
Mike: the first four lines were key, read them again, slowly, to get the full effect
ME:: Thats what I thought.
ME::
ME:: Is this what your ''secret'' was?
Mike: nah, that was my idea
Mike: /nervous
ME:: Hm..
ME:: Well..
ME:: you see
ME:: there is this thing
ME: and the thing is
ME: that I cannot
ME:: DENY YOU@
ME:: MUAHAHAHA
ME::
ME:: ok. im bad.
ME:: but, sure!
Mike: /passout
Mike: erk
Mike:
ME:: ?! +grabs some water+
ME:: why you all passin' out?
Mike: lol
Mike: No matter how many times I've done it, asking someone out is one of the hardest things for me to do.
Mike: I call it /nervousulcer
ME:: lol well dear, you can calm down
ME:: everythings okies
ME: +hands you some water+
Mike: :D
Mike: the symbol for rofl is actually a good face for what I'm feeling right now
ME:: lol
ME:: good.
ME:: now, are you sure about this?
Mike: ROFL
ME: (lol)
Mike: 124.501%
Mike: absolutely
ME:: mm k
Mike: why?
ME: Just want to make sure that you are making the right choice and have a clear head on your shoulders 
ME: just don't want what happened to you, to happen to me
Mike: to back out early?
Mike: not a chance
ME:: But what about all the girls over there at NIU?
Mike: all taken, and *you* are the one I've had a crush on for the past long time.
ME:: past long time eh? nice grammer.
ME:: ^_^
Mike: lol
Mike: grammar doesn't matter in college speak. Me am a colllidge stoodant.
ME:: Mr. Honors.. +shakes head+ i pitty you
Mike:
ME:: Well, if you are, what was it 124.501% sure then I guess it's alright by me. I would love it sooo much! Trust me. lol.
Mike: awesome
ME:: I just am cautious about you gettin stole by some college girl
Mike: That's one nice thing about me. My loyalty. I have never (and will never) cheat on anyone. ever. never ever. I could not live with myself
ME:: So we are alike in many ways

Self explanitory

1987: I had a crush on you even when dating Ashley
1987: There was just something about you, something I still cannot put my finger on, that made me crazy about you. Total attraction, kinda like a very very very powerful magnet.

<3